We can do this by asking them to suggest ways of coming to an agreement. Norming is when things start to sort themselves out and people are working together better. It’s very common for teams to keep going back and forth between storming and norming for quite a while.
For example, if your co-workers call a meeting about unfair schedule changes, it gives you all a chance to suggest a better method of scheduling work. Speaking up can ultimately lead to creating a fairer system that benefits everyone. Instead of seeing conflict as something that’s inevitably hurtful, consider how it can be productive.
How to Have Difficult Conversations When You Don’t Like Conflict
When your fear brain (amygdala) is lit up, the rational, calm thinking part of your brain (your prefrontal cortex) can’t come on line. When you’re avoiding conflict, you’re essentially lying about your thoughts and feelings about something. Consciously or unconsciously, your partner picks up on this lie and knows something is off so don’t trust when you say everything is fine or refuse to discuss an issue. They learn that they can’t trust what you say and this leaks into other areas of the relationship.
Let’s say you want to remind your boss that you don’t answer work calls after 5 p.m. If you worry that your boss will fire you for reinforcing this boundary, you might remind yourself that your boss is a reasonable person who values work-life balance. Conflict can make most people feel uneasy, whether a full-blown argument or a civil confrontation. An escalation in fighting in eastern Congo could undercut those agreements.
Social links
You can show your partner that you’re paying attention by using active listening techniques.7 When your partner speaks, paraphrase what they say — that is, rephrase it in your own words. You can also perception-check, by making sure that you’re interpreting your partner’s reactions correctly. For example, “You seem irritated by that comment — am I right?” These strategies both prevent misunderstandings and show your partner that you’re paying attention to them and care about what they’re saying. The YouTube button and social widgets are services allowing interaction with the YouTube social network provided by Google Inc. The Twitter Tweet button and social widgets are services allowing interaction with the Twitter social network provided by Twitter, Inc.
Active listening differs from passive listening, where information is absorbed and processed unilaterally with no opportunity for questions, clarification, or feedback. We are not able to fully comprehend what is being communicated with passive listening. Miscommunication happens when you interpret, without seeking clarification, and listen passively, simply awaiting your turn to speak. Active listening is when you pay full attention to another’s point of view, without judgment, and, when they finish speaking, clarifying to make sure you understand their perspective before switching to stating your point of view. Avoiding or delaying a difficult conversation can hurt your relationships and create other negative outcomes.
How to Approach Relationships with High-Conflict Personalities
It may not feel natural at first, especially if you dread discord, but you can learn to dive into these tough talks by reframing your thoughts. Before you unleash your anger and frustration directly on the offender, make sure you let out the steam with someone else (without name-dropping so that you’re not throwing https://ecosoberhouse.com/ anyone under the bus). Regulate your own emotions so that you can speak in a calm tone of voice with non-reactive language. Name calling and using absolute language like “you always do this” or “you never do that for me” puts the other person on defense and is counterproductive to what you’re trying to accomplish.
If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive others. Resolution lies in releasing https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/how-to-approach-a-person-who-prefers-avoiding-conflicts/ the urge to punish, which can serve only to deplete and drain your life. If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be “turned” down or even off.